if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...