look no pants
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
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So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature