I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
false alarm, still single
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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