peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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