it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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