Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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