The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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