I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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