I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
