remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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