id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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