I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
