He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
