You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
