I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
