I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
