Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
