So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
