shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
