i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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