the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
