Too much gin, very little bucket
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
