Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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