it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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