I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
