Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
