I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
