As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
