So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
