we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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