Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
