quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
