Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
