what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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