May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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