I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
