I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
