Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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