Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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