Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
