Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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