When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
