i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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