He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
