summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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