Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a hot homeless man
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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