nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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