Ambien. No doubt about it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
