A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think i have herpe
just one?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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