Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His nipple licking is glorious
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