I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
