I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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