I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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