worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize