The best revenge is premature balding
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
